It all seems so surreal. On Monday morning I got a text from my sister Brenda saying that dad was just taken to the ER by ambulance. He collapsed and was unresponsive, (not talking). I called my good friend Erin and asked if she could watch my girls while I went up to see my dad. I will forever be in debt to her for her willingness to do this on such short notice. The reason being... I got to the ER just in time to see my dad coherent. I walked in and he said, "Hey Beck, how ya doin?" I'll admit that I had a hard time replying without starting to cry. He looked so sick, old and gray. I got to have a conversation with him about things that were going on. It was hard to see my dad like that but I was so grateful to be able to talk to him for a couple of minutes. After I had been there for a while he stopped making sense when he talked and started to shake pretty bad. His heart rate climbed really high and the nurses and doctors were pushing all sorts of medicines to try to get him stable. Things did not look good so I called my sister Jane and brother Spencer to get up here quick and to also spread the word to our other siblings. He was not doing good at all. They got a room for him in the ICU. I went back up there later that night to say good night and he was pretty confused. He kept asking about our house and if we had moved back in. I told him yes and he looked really confused and asked if we got our renters out then. I had such a hard time seeing him so disoriented. I hugged and kissed him goodnight and went home. I didn't sleep at all that night and the next morning got a babysitter for my kids so I could spend as long as I could with my dad. I got there early and only my mom was there with him. He was kinda in and out but I got to help him. The nurse gave me a cupful of Ensure to help feed him and when I put the straw up to his mouth and he woke up a little and asked, "Is this Relive?" (a yucky nutritional drink we'd been giving him to help him with his counts.) I told him, "no dad, its a yummy milkshake." He drank it all until he was sucking air through the straw. Then he leaned back, sighed, and said, "That was good Beck." My dad kept mumbling things we couldn't understand. One time he kepted saying things like, babies...pregnant...more mumbling. My mom and I leaned in a little closer and she said, "Don't worry Tommy, I'm definitely not pregnant." Then I added, "...and Dad, I'm done having kids." As soon as I said that he opened his eyes, looked at me and said, "No you're not done!" I laughed and asked, "Ok dad, so how many more kids am I going to have?" He looked at me and boldly stated, "You're gonna have 4 more." I laughed and asked, "Really dad? Well are they boys or girls?" "Boys, 4 boys," he said. Then I asked, "Are they going to come all at once or in batches?" He said, "I don't know about that but you're going to have 4 more boys." I told him he was going to have to tell that to Dan. :) I left the room so someone else who was in the waiting room could come in. I sat there for a while with my sisters and brothers. We were just visiting and then my sister Amy (who is a nurse) was called into the ICU really fast. They said he was doing really bad and his heart rate went up really high. I knew I had to feed Norah within the next hour and she doesn't take a bottle. So I rushed home to grab some formula and bottle and took it by the babysitters and asked her to just try and feed her because I didn't think I was going to be coming back anytime soon. I got a text from my brother Spencer telling me to come quick so I started driving back like a mad woman. I was honking, flashing my lights and screaming at all the cars that were going SOOOO SLOW! My heart was beating a million miles a minute and I was just praying that I would make it in time to see my dad. I ran my fastest to his room in the ICU and immediately knew it was not good as soon as I saw him. He was hooked up on oxygen and really struggling to relax. He opened his eyes as soon as I came in the room and I just lost it. I very sad and agrily asked him, "Dad? What are you doing?" He looked at me and shouted through his oxygen mask, "I'm going home, I'm going home!" I started bawling even harder and he reached up towards me, pulled me in and gave me a hug. He told me he loved me and just kept patting me on my back. I'll never forget that moment and I will always cherish it. Over the next five hours he struggled. More family came and my sisters who had flown in from out of state made it there in time to see him and say goodbye. We didn't know it at the time but my brother Ladd and sister Amy who are both nurses knew that he was at his max dose of medication, that he wasn't going to get any better, and they were hoping they could keep him alive until everyone got there. We had a family meeting with just my mom and my siblings and Ladd and Amy explained the situation....that he wasn't going to get better and we needed to all agree before stopping his medicine and oxygen. We all agreed that he was ready to go. We each said our goodbyes and then the rest of the family came in. My uncle Ladd and my brothers gave him the sweetest blessing. Throughout the whole process my dad said so many funny things. He kept mumbling and we could understand a little here and there. Some other sweet moments...I knelt down my his bed, he looked at me and winked with each eye. It was so cute! Also when Dan finally got there he grabbed his hand, came to, and said, "Well Hello Daniel." (that's what he always said when he saw him) Whenever he would come to, he would talk about his family, the farm, and worrying about others. He was so concerned about making sure ...we used the right hitch on that, tightened the lug nuts, did they get the trailer fixed, and many other sweet things. He was always a dad that worked hard, served others, loved his family and worried about their situations constantly. He was such a champ through all his years of battling this awful disease. I am so proud to call him my dad. I'm proud that I look like him, that I have his blue eyes, that I have his nose, that I have his huge hands :), that everything I know about work and service, I learned from him and my mom. I love the kind of grandpa he was to my girls, that he teased them, that he would rock them to sleep, and that he would keep a stash of fruit snacks just for Reece and Violet. My dad is amazing! I miss him like crazy and I love him. I know that he is pain free now, with his mom and dad, brothers, and my nephew Wesley. I can't wait until we are re-united as a family again. I love my family! Thank you to everyone for all your support, prayers and love.
Just a few of us in the room.
My Uncle Ladd. They were such close brothers.
My mom is so AMAZING! She was such a trooper through the whole thing. She could not have taken better care of him. She was such an example to all of us about how to love and serve. I love my mom.
Amy and Ladd's co-worker came in to tell my dad that his kids are awesome nurses. I captured this shot of him smiling while he was telling her, "Yeah, I think we'll keep them." He was so proud of his family.
Mine and my dads hands. I love my huge hands. :)
My mom and dad's hands. My dad got this ring for my mom on a recent trip they took to Hawaii.
Grandpa and Gracie, both asleep, Christmas of 2005.
Reece and Violets blessing.
My Dad and Norah. His counts were so low during the time we blessed her so we didn't want him to come and chance getting sick. So my mom and I took her over to take a picture. He loved his grandbabies.
